Help it's another Meltdown!

You're in the kitchen trying to fix dinner, you're at the mall, you've gone to the store to get groceries and are in a hurry to get home, or you're trying to get the kids ready for bed - let's face it we've all been there - children have Breakdowns, better known as Tantrums! These are usually first seen around 2 years of age and can continue until 8, 9, 10 years of age. I see the shock on your face, "I have to deal with this for another 6, 7, or 8 years!!!???" Before you panic, please continue to read. It's true that families can be Tantrum Free! "How??" Tell ya what - I'll tell you right now.

Let's start with the why. Why do kids have tantrums?

• At 2 years of age tantrums begin because at this point of their young life children begin seeing and only caring about the "me" - their only concern and focus in life is themselves.
  
• They know what they want and they are determined to get it. 99% of tantrums happen when the child is told "no" or finds something they think they have to have.
  They understand that "no" means they don't get their way and see this a barrier between what they want and what you've said. They know how to get around this - they start screaming and crying.

Now quiet yourself, I'd like to share a quick story with you...

Once there was this boy who was 4 years old. He was bright, fun, sweet, caring, social and loved interacting with people. Oh but there was another side to this 4 yr old boy. He could get very loud, he had mastered the skill of whining, badgering, and crying to wear his parents down. From an outside view it seemed discipline was avoided because when he heard the words "time out" it all broke loose! Not only was he the master at whining and crying, but he had the worlds greatest and biggest Tantrum throwing ability! Louder than a rock concert screams, shrieking that would drive the dog away and he could throw himself around on the floor flailing of arms and legs - he made so much noise you'd think he had four of each. He refused to sit in a chair or on a stair for time out and threw himself on the floor becoming louder each second. It's was more punishment for the parents to send their son to time out than it was for the son to be there.
Have you been there? Do you have a child that throws "the mother of all tantrums"?
Quick story.. sorry... oh yes...
Bottom line - this was the boy who had the mother of all tantrums, (believe me, I've seen many) is a new child today.
His mom can be in one room and with the words, "____, time out" he quietly walk over and places his bottom in the chair until he is released. Too good to be true? Believe it! No more tears, no more bloody tantrums, and you know what's great - he rarely has to be placed in time out - it's not a daily or even hourly event today.
How? Magic? Really? Reality?? How long did this take?

It does not happen overnight, but it's true - there are very few power struggles. Tantrums are literally something of the past. It's the result of setting limits, being firm, using effective discipline, and staying consistent. It was within a week there were far fewer tantrums and in a month they were practically gone. Three months- and time outs are used only when needed and it's a very rare occasion. :)

So I will discuss the strategies to make your family tantrum free in the future. Today I'll quickly outline the basics.


NannyU Tips

1. Before you make your first move to remove tantrums from your home, please make sure you're prepared to do two things.
   1. Be firm. You're a brick wall that cannot be moved.
   2. Stay Consistent. Once you decide you're going to establish new boundaries and rules you must be prepared to keep them. Be consistent and unwavering in discipline and enforcing these new boundaries.
2. Make sure you've made it clear to your child that tantrums will no longer be tolerated and if they choose to have a tantrum they will be disciplined. This way your expectations are made clear to them.
3. Establish boundaries and limits. Decide what you will tolerate and what you will not.
   
4. Enforce these boundaries. Initially this will take much more time, patience and energy, but over time, when discipline is practiced effectively you will see amazing progress!

Next time I'll discuss how to do time outs, and some tips such as counting and giving the child options to help discourage frustration and ultimately the huge meltdowns.

If you have specific questions you can contact me here.

Kiss the Stroller Goodbye

You should think twice the next time you throw your child in the stroller to go for a walk and take a trip to the mall. Even though initially it might slow you down, but grab your little one by the hand and have them walk along with you!
Kids need to learn to be active, and there's no better way than to let them walk around the same places you do! Not only is it good for them, but they will feel very big and be very proud. :)

Yes, their legs may get tired at first, and their may be some whining and begging to be carried - but encourage them to walk instead of picking them up (at least the first few times they ask.) Tip: Make a deal with them, "You walk to the stop sign and then I'll pick you up." You only need carry them a short distance to give them the boost to walk again. When you put them down and there are complaints just arrange another deal and keep walking.
- I recommend not picking the child up when they are crying. This reinforces that if they get upset and cry then they will get their way. When A (she's 2) starts to fuss and wants to be picked up I'll either work a deal with her or wait until she is quiet and asks in a "big girl voice" to be picked up. It's easier one day than it is the other, but this usually always works.

My kids, (and their parents) know I don't take the stroller, I tried it once and hated it. I found it cumbersome and time consuming! It's much easier holding a child's hand than getting them in and out of a stroller and then having to use ramps instead of the stairs, and they get much more exercise walking than when riding along in the stroller!

With the obesity problem America faces today we need to encourage exercise and healthy habits to children at every given opportunity!

So I dare you to leave the stroller home next time, (unless you have an infant...) I think you'll be surprised the time you'll save and the fun your child will experience having a new found freedom!

NannyU Tips:

• Encourage your child to walk, start with short distances and gradually increase the distance.
  
• Remember to use positive encouraging words like, "Wow Dave, You're doing a great job marching up that hill!" or "Look how well you can keep up with Mommy."
• Don't pick up your child when they are whining or crying. Tell them when they are calm and ask nicely in a big kid voice you will give them a lift. (This applies for children under 2 yrs. of age.)
• This is a great time to teach them street safety, go on "nature walks" and to develop their observations of the surroundings and nature.